Are you ready for sex?
"To have sex or not to have sex? That is the question."
.
Unfortunately there is no "age" at which you are supposed to have sex (man, wouldn't that make it easy? "OK I'm 19 now, it is time to have sex !"). Everyone has to make a very personal decision about what is right for them. So, how does anyone decide w
hen is the right time to have sex for the first time? Well, asking yourself the following questions might help:
- Do you have any moral, cultural, religious convictions that might make deciding to have sex may be the wrong decision for you?
- How do you feel about the present relationship with your partner?
- What do you think might happen as a result of having sex? How do you think you will feel about your partner and more importantly, about yourself?
- What do you know about herpes, AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases
(STDs)?
- Right now - how do you feel about your partner? Do you trust and respect him/her?
- Have you discussed the possibility or
STD's and/or pregnancy?
- What are each of you willing to do to prevent these situations?
- What would you and your partner do if sex resulted in a pregnancy or disease?
- Do you, for any reason, feel pressured to have sex?
- Do you feel that you and your partner can make a decision right now and does it feel comfortable?
- Can you talk to your partner about your decisions no matter what they are?
These questions should stimulate thought and discussion with your
partner. You cannot expect to understand what your partner is thinking or expect him/her to understand what you are thinking without discussion; open discussion is easily the most importa
nt part of getting ready to have sex (for the first OR the tenth time). You must know what your partner feels, what each of you are comfortable doing and what each of you will do to prevent pregnancy and/or the transmission of sexually transmitted diseas
es. Remember, your body belongs to you and you have a right to take care of it.
People decide to not have sex for a variety of reasons. Many Nova Scotian
students (68% of grade 9 students and 44% of grade 11 students) have
chosen abstinence . Many people do not
want to take the risks of having sex u
ntil the relationship is a longterm one. Some decide to wait for religious or moral reasons and others just do not feel they are physically or emotionally ready. It is not "weird" to decide not to have sex.
Some people decide to practise secondary virginity. Even if you have already had sexual experiences,
it is possible to choose abstinence from now on--until the time is right.
If you decide that abstinence is right for you, there are lots of things you can do with your partner to show him/her how much you care instead of having sex. You can go for a walk on the beach together or give each other a massage, have a snowball fight
, make supper together or nibble on each other's ear. As long as your
sexual touching doesn't involve the exchange of body fluids, touching may be O.K. for you. Some
people decide to have "outercourse"
instead of "intercourse" and some
people enjoy mutual masturbation.
Overall, nobody is ever completely sure that they are ready to have sex. If you feel comfortable with all the questions above and have had an open and sincere conversation about sex with your partner, then maybe you are ready. However, if you don't feel
totally comfortable with any part of the situation -then you probably aren't ready. It might help to talk to someone you trust about the pros and cons of each decision.
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This page was written by Jake Wilson, Class of 1998.
This page was last modified: September 5, 1996.