Pro Male Group Happy With Men
Men 'no problema' says Leader

By Crusty Blanche-Froid, correspondent for The Notional Pest, who likes men too

TORONTO, ONT. NP. In a development that has some uptight observers of the national scene and especially feminist groups in a positive lather, Adelle Hausmann, President of Females Favouring Men, says that her group finds that everything is A-OK in Canada, "the best of all possible worlds for women."

Adelle Hausmann says that men are just 'great' and they don't have to change anything to keep her happy. Photo, Notional Pest

Mrs. Hausmann said that as far as her group is concerned there is nothing that needs fixing in Canada at least insofar as males or symbols of male domination are concerned. "We held a special meeting yesterday when news that a feminist group, The Famous 5 Foundation, wants to change the lyrics to O Canada by replacing the line, "in all thy sons command" with some Godawful politically-correct, gender-neutral tripe like "all of us together command" or, "all of us persons of equal gender command". 

"We all agreed that any female who finds the present lyrics offensive or non-inclusive has got a tampon in her head where her brains should be. The world is full of problems and Canada has its share. But, really! Haven't broads such as Ms Frances Wright (the president of F5F) got not nothing better to do with their time than stir up such nonsense?"

Mrs. Hausmann says that she and her FFM group feel strongly that there is enough 'equality' in this country as it is. "There are all these special interests clamouring for special treatment under the guise of gender equality that have nothing to do with 'equality' at all. They just want to put men down. Politicians who make a big show of supporting the silly change are just trying to grab cheap headlines. Liberal MP John Godfrey who supports the change should spend his time agitating among the caucus for changes that would really help the women of Canada. 

"We acknowledge that years ago women weren't even considered as persons under the constitution but all that's changed. Anyway, even in the 'bad old days' nobody with any brains thought that the offending line put women down. It's all part of the feminist conspiracy to restructure the language to advance their cause. If these addled dames had been on the Titanic they probably would have refused to leave the sinking ship at the sexist cry: "Man the lifeboats, women and children first!"

Mrs. Hausmann says that her husband of twenty years is as perfect as a human being could be. "Whenever we have a disagreement, he always defers to my judgment after I explain how dumb his position is. Though he doesn't like doing housework (what man does!) but, nevertheless, he does the dishes every evening without complaint and keeps the house clean and tidy while I'm out earning our daily bread. And he's a fabulous cook! Would I put him down by following the feminist agenda?" she asks with a hearty chuckle. "Not on your fuckin' life!"