Heritage Minister says, 'I just adore royalty'

By Scott Upchuk

OTTAWA (NP)  Prince Charles was greeted at Ottawa's International Airport yesterday with a big kiss planted on the Royal Mouth by Canada's Heritage Minister, Sheila Copps. 

At the foot of the Royal Jet's Ramp, and after the Prince had stepped through the disinfecting bath, the Heritage Minister had rushed the Prince, thrown her arms around him, and given him a luscious kiss full on the mouth. It appeared that she was also about to pinch him on the cheeks, but apparently she sensed this would be inappropriate after hearing the gasps of the official greeting party, which included Jean Chretien, Prime Minister of Canada.

The Heritage Minister's actions surprised the official greeting party as well as members of the press covering the event. The Heritage Minister is normally so restrained and self-effacing that few in or out of the government know of her existence. Contacted later, the minister told the Notional Pest that she just couldn't help herself. "I just love Royalty," she said. "When Charles becomes King, I shall be here then, too, to greet him, maybe even as prime minister, when he pays his first official Royal Visit to Canada." 

Commoners are not allowed to touch members of the royal household under any circumstances, unless the Royal Personage takes the initiative and then only when wearing surgical gloves. Above all, no one, especially commoners, is permitted to kiss them full on the mouth, except with the Queen's express permission. The concern, of course, is that such contact could introduce foreign germs into the Royal Household. 

The Prince, however, took it all in good grace and with typical good humour, appeared to be entirely unruffled by the experience. To the total surprise of everyone present, HRH flashed Ms Copps an engaging grin, then, putting a royal arm around Ms. Copps' shoulder, so entwined they reviewed the RCMP Honour Guard.

Notional Pest has learned, however, that while there will likely be no official protest from Buckingham Palace, those Britons accompanying the Prince to Canada have taken the precaution of sending a sample of the Prince's blood to be tested at The Royal Stables Test Lab at Sandringham. It is understood that after the official welcoming ceremonies had concluded, the Royal Jet made an emergency return flight to England with a sample of the royal blood onboard.

The Notional Pest has further learned from a Royal Chambermaid who had accompanied the Prince to Canada, that the Prince, despite his show of bonhomie at the airport, was not at all pleased by the unprovoked kiss bestowed on him at his arrival in Canada. The chambermaid overheard the Prince complaining to his equerry that, "The bloody Canadians have a nerve! They make me slosh my feet through a bloody disinfectant before stepping onto their bloody soil, then before I can say, 'howdy-doody', a mad-woman rushes me and kisses me spot on the mouth! God, she could have had anything!"

RETURN TO MAIN PAGE