Kitty Litter deadly Enforcement Officer

By Crusty Blanche-Froid

KANATA, ONT.  (NP) A man trying to provide traction on his icy driveway on Castlefrank Drive, got an unpleasant surprise today when he ran out of sand and substituted some of his cats' pre-used kitty litter. The man, who lives alone, apparently has a large collection of cats well over a hundred according to a neighbour who did not wish to be identified but who shot a picture of his neighbour (left) in happier times.

According to police, the kitty litter was of no use in providing traction. After skidding into a snow bank and then ricocheting off a Canada Post mailbox, the car fell over on its side. The man had collapsed against the driver's side door then had evidently coughed up a huge volume of blood before losing consciousness. He was pronounced dead when paramedics arrived on the scene a half-hour later. They had been alerted by the man's next door neighbour who had witnessed the episode from his bathroom window. 

The dead man remains unidentified until next of kin are notified and someone is found to look after his cats. Police and forensic experts determined that he had died of acute feline hemorrhagic Lhasa fever. Apparently with his driveway "an ice rink", according to the neighbour, the man had used the cats' kitty litter when his supply of sand had run out. Unfortunately, according to police, he had used it without first sifting out the cat feces, which are known to be deadly toxic.

Inspector Mark Allan, the KANATA Kitty Litter Enforcement Officer, issued a warning for "all the cat lovers out there, who think that kitty litter is a harmless substance that can be used for all sorts of purposes for which it was not intended. Of particular concern are those who use it as a sand substitute or as garden fertilizer. I've even seen people sprinkle it on their corn flakes in the morning. Beats me why they would do that, but people come in all kinds. 'Kitty Litter Kills' should be a warning placed on all bags of kitty litter," he said.

Kitty Litter is banned for sale in KANATA until large yellow warning labels have been affixed to each bag. Local pet supply stores are up in arms as they fear people will just head down the road to Ottawa where there are no restrictions on its sale. "We'll face bankruptcy over this," moaned pet store owner Moe Katts, who operates a kitty litter franchise, Katt's Kitty Litter, in the KANATA West End Mall.

Notional Pest with files from The KANATA POST