How much water?

A new study by the Harvard Medical School -- New Studies To be Issued This Week Project -- shows that drinking too much or too little water can be equally damaging to your health. Dr. Edmund Burke, the Head of the Project stated that death can come quickly if one errs too much on either side of the line.

Dr. Burke drew an analogy with the making of cement. Cement made with too much water is weak and crumbly and collapses under the slightest load. The amount of water that can make a difference is surprisingly small. "A mere teaspoon too much in a ten-shovel mixture can make the difference," he said. Conversely, as little as a teaspoon too little water in the same batch can turn the resulting concrete so hard that it ready to fracture at the slightest blow.

Of course, people aren't made of concrete, he noted, but said that the analogy is valid nonetheless. "We've all seen stiff, inflexible people walking around that just need a tap or two on the chest for them to fly apart. Other people, who are all spongy and far too loose-limbed, can easily collapse into a shivering heep for no good reason at all."

Dr. Burke said that putting your glass under the tap for a glass of water, without thinking, can lead to a lifetime of ill-health and everyone has to know what to do or suffer the consequences. Dr. Burke has a formula for the right amount of water an individual should be drinking. "It's complicated and based on many factors such as weight, height, body mass index, cultural group, religious affiliation, and many other things too numerous to mention," he said.

Dr. Burke said the formula therefore cannot be made puiblic because unless one is very skilfull in juggling mathematics including advanced calculus and binomial theory, a fatal goof-up is possible. Dr. Burke, however, will do the calculation for anyone who is interested and willing to pay the modest fee asked. "The cost is nothing compared to the value of the life saved," he said. Interested parties are asked to call 1- 888 - EXPLODE, for further information.