The following 'Worst Day' story was submitted by Theodore (Ted) Smith of Tantallon (Allen Heights), N.S., for which he will receive a $5000 Gift Certificate redeemable at fine stores displaying the 'We redeem Worst Day certificates' sticker in their windows. 

Roger Chenko, winner of gift certificate Theodore (Ted) Smith of Allen Heights who won a $50 Gift Certificate for his interesting story

The worst day in my life, so far, was just three years ago, September 3, 1998. On that day I got up at my usual time, went down to the kitchen, and brewed a cup of coffee. Unfortunately I forgot to add the coffee beans and when I poured my 'first cup' nothing but hot water came out. As I don't usually make such fundamental mistakes the incident unsettled me so much I wondered if maybe my day was already unmade!

Later, after eating my usual breakfast of eggs and bacon I retired to the living room and my big wing chair. There I would begin my day by reading The Daily News over a cup of freshly brewed coffee (this time made with all the ingredients!) I was just about to take my first sip when my pet poodle, Tulip, lept into my lap. Normally Tulip would signal her intentions by whining until I would say, "up girl," and the dog would leap into my lap then snuggle down comfortably at my side.

However on this day, which seemed to be getting steadily worse, I was unprepared for the dog's 20 lb. weight suddenly landing in my lap. This made me spill half of the cup of coffee most of which landed on the front page of the News. Luckily the hot coffee didn't burn my hand but as I always make reading the News my first order of business every day, I wasted almost an hour for the paper to be dry enough so that i could read it and not have the pages stick together.

After lunch on that same day, as I prepared for my afternoon nap, Tulip again upset my routine by refusing to get off the bed when I so ordered. My words were not harsh but because of the spilled coffee incident, perhaps my voice had a little edge to it. Anyway, the dog must have sensed my growing irritation and it finally gave way so that I could lie down. But as it did so, it gave me such a baleful look that I could not settle down and it took me almost forty-five minutes before I could drop off.

From there, the day just went from bad to worst.  I will spare you the details as it was just too depressing.  But, all in all, it was terrible day, one I'd rather forget.

Theodosous Smith is a N.S.businessman who writes frequent letters to the editor and e-mails to friends about local affairs that he finds unsettling and/or disturbing and about which he wants 'something done' immediately.
If you have a story about a day in your life that just bloody well was the worst goddam day you ever had and would LIKE TO HAVE IT PUBLISHED submit YOUR STORY to Crusty Blanche-Froid who edits the new Worst Day column. Submissions must be in the very best of good taste and not use any naughty words even though on the BAD day you write about, your words may have turned the air absolutely BLUE. If it is deemed significantly interesting to readers, matches the tone of the Pest, and the publisher decides to print it, you will receive a $5000 gift certificate redeemable at many fine stores participating in this promotion. Click on the following to submit your story  SUBMIT to win $5,000 >>