Bike & Hash 2000

Last Saturday Ann and I joined the bike ride to Peggy's Cove, for the first time, as a couple. Although I've done the trip a few times in previous years, I was looking forward to Ann trying out her new (to her) bike.

Well it didn't take long into the ride to realize I might have made a monumental error in judgement. On our first downhill, I noticed Ann's front wheel went from a slight wobble to "Oh my God she's going to wipe out"! By some miracle, she managed to get the bike stopped. I don't know how she pulled it out of such a bad speed wobble and was able to stop it. Wonders never cease.

The experience was frightening for her and all she could think of when this was happening was, "this can't be happening, Jack Nauss just tuned the bike up".

Well it wasn't Jack's fault but the fault of a heavy reflector on one side of her spokes. The offset weight was throwing the wheel out of alignment. I took over her bike to make sure all was well and we proceeded.Lesson learned.

The Normie's wrench came in handy because the one I had couldn't fit under the seat of Ann's bike to raise the seat.

It was great to be out on such a fine day in such good company. Claudia showed up in Peggy's Cove and biked part of the way. She looked great and her spirits haven't changed. She's really an extreme introvert and won't say a word. (I don't think so.) Ron The P...K was up to his usual stuff. Being nice and all that.

Wayne Banks (sore hip and all) joined our group for part of the journey. He kept trying to catch Normie so he could return last weeks favour, Normie left him with.

I thought Franz was a politician because everyone was talking about the "incumbent". Stupid me they were talking about is bike, a "recumbent".

Rocket Ronnie suggested the reason he could afford a new bike was - "I don't buy any groceries!" I believe it. After we had our great breakfast, we all gathered around Ronnie and put a 100 watt bulb behind him and then watched as he digested food. Interesting.

Chris and Betty Hollebone were loud and obnoxious. Chris was playing footsies with an elderly lady at the next table while Betty was making bets on how many slices of toast she could put in her nose. The usual.

Bruce Squared (Duffy's and Murphy) were very quiet and didn't say a word... That is if you were really, really, really deaf! In their case, opinions are not just like assholes because they have more than you can shake a stick at.

Normie kept pestering the waitress saying he was a poor homeless boy from Halifax. In need a good meal very cheap because all he had were some buttons and a few rusty pennies.

Bernie Levy was at the restaurant. I guess he's really pissed at breaking his leg. I didn't realize this was the year he was to be the headline performer at the Halifax Dance Academy. Tough luck is right and there goes your trip to tryout camp for the TiCats in Hamilton. Bummer.

Ann and I scrambled home to do a bit of a change then headed over to BUD's Tavern in Burnside for the next iteration of Hashing. Balcom laid the trail and for two cents of Chinese money, I would have laid him out before we got to the second beer check. We hit the first beer check in 45 minutes and I asked him if we were past half. He said, "about a third". I thought he was kidding. He wasn't.

I've seen parts of Burnside I never want to see again. Rocks, trails, toxic sluices, bushes, hills, busy highways, parking lots. We saw them all. At the second beer check one and three quarters of an hour into the hash, I realized I wanted to strangle him then and there. We all took the short way back while Balcom kept muttering, "there's a really neat false trail in there that I set for you guys". Put a sock in it Balcom!

We got back to Bud's 2 hours after we left and we still missed the last section of the route. What's with this guy? Buddy, I ain't from Ethiopia or Kenya, give it a rest.

We ordered beer and Ann got her Hash name, Ann of Green Labels. Tanks Larry, good one.

Ann and I had promised a friend that we would stop in on our way home. They let us stand outside while we hollered to them in the house, until the wind changed. Then we were asked to leave.

Moral of the story. When in doubt...kill Balcom.