From: [snip]@[snip].[snip] (Bill Rogers)
Newsgroups: news.admin.net-abuse.email
Subject: Green eggs and spam
Date: Sun, 12 Sep 1999 20:26:59 GMT


Wrote something like this a year or so ago but I don't think I ever
had the guts to post it.

Green Eggs and Spam

I love spam.
I'm Spammerman.
Won't you read my email spam?

    I will not read your email spam.
    Please don't disturb me, Spammerman.

Will you read it in the street?
Don't you think this stock is neat?
Don't you want some kiddie porn
And if you don't, just hit delete?

    I will not read it in the street.
    You're nuts to think I'll just delete.
    Your kiddie porn is sad and sick
    I'd like to beat you with a stick! 
    Your stock is just a sleazy scam
    I do not LIKE you, Spammerman.

Will you read it on the beach?
Will you help support Free Speach?
You're in the wrong if you complain.
Murkowski says so, clear and plain.

    I will not read it on the beach.
   And by the way, it's spelled Free Speech
    My email's packed with worthless stuff
    And still you think there's not enough!
    Just go to hell, that's what to do,
     And take that hack Murkowski too!
     I'll never read your email spam.
     It's wrong and evil, Spammerman!

Will you buy my book that's next
About the secrets of male sex?
Or buy a set of plans from me
To steal your cable shows for free?

    I will not buy that book from you
    For I've no need.. perhaps YOU do!
    I will not steal my cable shows.
    Perhaps I could, but you should know
    That I am HONEST, Spammerman.
    That's something you can't understand.

Will you please Make Money Fast?
Just send your money to the last
Address upon this list of four.
And what are you all hostile for?
I've this Remove List that I share.
It's worse than useless, but it's there!

    I won't fall for Make Money Fast
    So you can ram it up your rectal cavity,
    And please don't think my wits are failing
    At this twelve thousandth "one time mailing,"
    That I'd get on a "remove list"
    That makes spam grow and not desist.
    But give your real address to me
    And we shall see what we shall see.

Oh goody!  Send your unmarked bills
My bedroom's in Suburban Hills
But if there's noise you'll start a fight.
My mom works on the streets at night
And Dad is sleeping off his wine.
So tell the postman "Choose your time,
And leave the cash in silent stealth."
Oh good!  I've finally made some wealth!

    Hey, Spammerman!  I've found your place.
    It's good to see your zit-pocked face
    I'd like to tell you that I still
    Don't read your spam and never will.
    I will not read, I will not buy,
    I think that those who spam should die!
    So NEVER spam me any more.
    The end.  That's what I came here for.
     Oh, who are all these other friends?
     Well, just to help you make amends
     For all the spamming that you've done,
     I've brought your ISP, for one,
     To cancel your account for you
     And maybe break your kneecaps, too!
     And here are Agents One and Two
     Of FBI, to talk to you
     About the kiddie porno laws
     And when they're done, without a pause
     The Post Inspection Service here
     Would like to make it plainly clear
     "Make Money Fast" is not legit
      No matter what you claim for it.
     And since it's chilly where you are
     Ten thousand Netizens brought tar
     And warming feathers, and a rail
     To give you a free ride to jail.
     So have a happy, spammy day!
     And with these words, he walked away.