Don't let worry kill you - let the church helpThursday night - potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Allen Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer
Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing, "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
Thursday at 5:00pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the pastor in his study.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon will be - "What is hell?" Come early and listen to the choir practice.
2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy. Great Dames for sale.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
Man, honest. Will take anything.
Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
Now I know why my relatives always insist 'leave the driving to us' on my visits. Allstate Insurance will never underwrite a policy there. Want my advice? Take your blood-pressure pills along when you venture out in the streets of Metro Manila.To obtain a general idea of how to drive in Manila, go to a basketball game and carefully watch the fast break. Then get behind the wheel of your car and practice it.
Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.
When in doubt, accelerate.
Drivers whose cars sport "I Brake For Animals" bumper stickers may brake for animals, but they may not brake for you. Watch it.
Never drive behind a person whose head doesn't reach the top of the steering wheel.
Teenage drivers believe they are immortal. Don't yield to the temptation to teach them otherwise.
Buses should always have the right of way, unless you are bent on suicide.
Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.
The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it.
Learn to swerve abruptly. thanks to the government, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
Steer clear of people with antinuclear bumper stickers pasted on their cars. They are interested in preserving mankind, which is admirable. But they are not necessarily interested in preserving you, or themselves, for that matter. They have more important things to think about.
Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.
Double-park, unless triple-parking is available.
Always look both ways when running a red light.
While it is possible to fit a 15-foot car into a 15-foot parking space, it is seldom possible to fit a 16-foot car into a 15-foot parking space. Sad but true.
There is no such thing as a short cut during rush-hour traffic in Manila.
It is traditional in Manila to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes. Never put your faith in signs that purport to provide directions. They are put there to confuse people who don't know their way around the city.
Never use directional signals, since they only confound and distract other Manila drivers, who are not used to them. Similarly, never attempt to give hand signals, Manila drivers, unused to such courtesies, will think you are waving them on to pass you.
The yellow light is not, as commonly supposed outside the Manila area, a signal to slow down. It is a warning to speed up and get through the intersection before the light turns red.
Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.
In making a left turn from the right lane, employ the element of surprise. That is, do it as suddenly as possible, so as to stun other drivers.
Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted only to make you feel guilty.
Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to insure inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible.
Remember that the goal of every Manila driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary.
Above all, keep moving.
2. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
3. AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' re um) n. The point where the stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting her(him)self in the eye (or ear).
4. BURGACIDE (burg' uh side) n. When a hamburger can't take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill into the coals.
5. BUZZACKS (buz' aks) n. People in phone marts who walk around picking up display phones and listening for dial tones even when they know the phones are not connected.
6. CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
7. DIMP (dimp) n. A person who insults you in a cheap department store by asking, "Do you work here?"
8. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will `remove' all the germs.
9. ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rearview mirror.
10. EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz) n. Gangly people sitting in front of you at the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit.
11. ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
12. ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun) n. The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.
13. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
14. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the `illegal' side.
15. NEONPHANCY (ne on' fan see) n. A fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to life.
16. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
17. PETROPHOBIC (pet ro fob' ik) adj. One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.
18. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
19. PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
20. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun)
n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick
it up, even when you're only six inches away.
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'Dinosaurs' is on television." Jill, age 6"Love is foolish ... but I still might try it sometime." Floyd, age 9
"Yesterday I kissed a girl in a private place ... We were behind a tree." Carey, age 7
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." Dave, age 8
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." Regina, age 10
"Sensitivity don't hurt." Robbie, age 8"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." Ava, age 8
"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." Del, age 6"Shake your hips and hope for the best." Camille, age 9
"Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs ... and don't worry if their parents are right there." Manuel, age 8
"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." Alonzo, age 9
"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." Bart, age 9