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DATE RAPE (Sexual Assault)

You can't always avoid date rape and unfortunately there's no perfect way to protect yourself, however there are things you can do to lesson your chances of being sexually assaulted.


85% of all sexual assaults of teenagers occur between people who know each other (e.g. a date, a friend or someone you've just seen around). People are sexually assault ed in their homes, in cars, at school, at parties, at the beach . . . you get the picture. You've been sexually assaulted if you've been forced or pressured into going further sexually than you feel comfortable with. In other words, if you've been kissed, touched or had intercourse without agreeing to it, that is Sexual Assault.


bullet 1 in 4 females and 1 in 6 males will be sexually assaulted or abused during their life time.
bullet It is estimated that in up to 75% of sexual assaults drugs or alcohol are involved.
bullet In 8 of 10 sexual assaults the victim knows the attacker.
The person who commits a sexual assault or an abuse is 100% to blame.


It is always the guy 's responsibility to control his behaviour and accept your sexual limits. It is the girl's responsibility to communicate these limits.


bulletLook at your feelings about sex and set sexual limits. You may have different limits at different times with different people but you should know what you do or don't want before you're parked at the drive-in with your date.

bulletTell the other person those limits. Yes should always mean yes and no should always mean no. Saying yes to necking does not mean you've said yes to intercourse. Let him clearly know how far you want to go and that you won 't go any further. This has to be talked about because body language is too confusing and ESP doesn't work.
bulletBe aware of signals you send with your posture, clothes, tone of voice and eye contact. Women NEVER are asking to be sexually assaulted by how they look or act but many men may misinterpret these signals and think women want "it" when they really don't.
bulletMake sure you are clear when something is happening that you don't like. If necessary use powerful and firm voice that says "STOP THIS-I'M NOT ENJOYING IT!". If you don't let him know what you do or don 't like or that you want him to stop, he might think this silence means you want to go further.

bulletTRUST YOUR FEELINGS. If you feel you are being pressured into unwanted sex- YOU'RE RIGHT! you are feeling uncomfortable at a party or wherever - LEAVE. Pay attention to changes in your feelings. A situation may feel okay at first and then change - LEAVE if this happens.

bulletBe independent and aware on a date. Have opinions about where to go and what to do, so your date knows you're not a pushover. At first, you may wan to meet in a public place or go on a double date. You may want to pay your own way, so you don't have to feel you owe him. Always have your own transportation home or enough money for taxi fare or at least a quarter to call a friend/parent for a ride. Also be aware that drug s and alcohol often go hand in hand with date rape because they lessen your ability (and that of your date) to make responsible decisions.
bulletHang around with people who share your values. They are less likely to pressure you to do something you don't really want to do.


The dating scene is a confusing place. The guy 's expected to "get all he can " whether he really wants to or not and a woman is expected to say "no" whether she really wants to or not. If no one is talking straight how is anyone to know what the other person really wants? Not knowing what the other person wants sexually could result in pushing someone further than they want to go.
This is Sexual Assault.

Here are some pointers to consider to help guys prevent sexual assault:
bullet Don 't assume what your date wants - always ask her. Her desire for affection (e.g. kissing, cuddling, etc.) is not the same as a desire for intercourse.
bulletCheck out what her desire is, wait for a straight answer before you act, women don't enjoy being forced to have sex and they don't want to be persuaded.
bulletCheck out what levels of intimacy you both want. She may be interested in sharing some form of sex other than intercourse. e.g. kissing or petting. Sex is more enjoyable if you share rather than take.
bulletIf you are unsure of what a woman wants because you think her body or clothes are saying one thing and her mouth is saying something else - SPEAK UP- decide what both of you want. If she is unsure about having sex - BACK OFF- talk about it.
bulletNo means no. When you hear no, STOP.  Don't argue with your date. If you don't accept her No, you are committing sexual assault. This is illegal.
bulletA woman who turns you down for sex is not necessarily rejecting you as a person . Her "No" is expressing her decision not to be part of a single act.
bulletBe aware of also be victims of sexual assault and they have the same counseling and legal rights as women do.


bulletPay attention to controlling behaviour that doesn't seem or feel right l continue the date, or not.

bulletStay Sober. You are responsible for your actions whether you are sober or not. Being "high " or "drunk" is not a legal defence for sexual assault.

bulletRemember sex is not a payback. Your date never owes you sex no matter how much money you have spent or what you may have done for her.

bulletIt's okay not to score. Not having sex does not mean you are not a real man. A re al man respects others' wishes and respects himself.

bulletNOTE: Men may also be victims of sexual assault and they have the same co unselling and legal rights as women do.


Pay attention to controlling behaviour that doesn 't seem or feel right
bullet guys who don 't listen to you, ignore you or talk over you, criticize what you wear, etc. These guys have no respect for women.
bullet guys who sit or stand too close to you, make you feel uncomfortable and enjo y making you feel this way.
bullet guys who power stare, like when a guy is looking right through you or down a t you.
bullet guys who do only what they want or push or grab you to get what they want.
bullet guys who express anger and violence towards women either through words (e.g. You bitch, I'm going to kill you) or by pushing, shoving or biting.
bullet guys with a bad attitude toward women (e.g. women are meant to be seen and n ot heard. A women's place is in the kitchen so that she can serve a man).
bulletguys who are overly jealous or possessive, this is not a compliment, these guys can be very controlling.
bullet guys who drink or use drugs heavily.
bulletguys with a reputation for scoring. They are likely to pressure you for sex when you go out with them.
bulletBeware of guys who use come-on lines like these to get you into bed:
bulletPRESSURING FOR SEX - "you loved me you would " "You 're not the only girl I could date "
bulletTRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD OR GUILTY - "Don't you like me?" "Are you weird or so mething?"
bulletBLACKMAIL - "I'll kill myself if you break up with me" "If you don 't, I'll tell everyone you did anyway "
bulletTHINKS SEX IS HIS RIGHT NO MATTER WHAT - "You turned me on, now you have to do it "
bullet"We've had sex before so you can 't say no now "
bulletDOESN'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER - "You can 't say no because I spent all that money on you "
bullet"You really want it. You 're just saying no to protect your reputation, girls are supposed to do that"

People in Healthy Relationships:

bulletspend time together and time apart
bullettrust each other
bulletrespect their mutual feelings
bullettalk openly about sexual needs and desires
bulletare sensitive to each others feelings
bulletare friends
bullethave common interests
bulletcommunicate their feelings honestly and openly

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